This is still a rollercoaster. I get some indications that chemo is not ideal for our system… I seem to have got my ulcer back, the point in my oesophagus that was difficult in Sweden is making trouble again. So I have three options:
- Wait for a public gastoscopy
- Pay approx $450 for a private gastroscopy (in both cases it would be just to confirm that “yes, chemo is tough”, and for free medicine. Cost/benefit evaluation….
- Pay the Omeprazol myself, and drinking cabbage juice and potato-water
This is supposed to help the mucous membrane heal, and it seems to help – together with banana and oat-meal-porridge. No coffe, no spice. Active stress-reduction excercises. Hoping for rapid healing.
I feel that I still have a lot of potential improvement to collect, and hoping for more positive development. I am able to work, and it is quite rigorous at times, travelling, carrying, walking steps up and down, rig different venues. But then there is not much energy left for being social. I can barely stand shopping now ;(
It is all about perspective. To compare myself to the “april 2012-version” of me – and not the least: who I would have been without Karolinska.
I found a perfect Tiger in the attic. Designed and sewn by me for a 9-year old some small eternity ago. The early onepiece, with tail, ears and paws.
Made me reflect about my level of energy back then. Pre MS-dx. My ambition-level is decreased now, but on the other hand I am not a perfectionist who panic if everything isn’t perfect now. Possibly a bit easier to live with.
But I can still sew! Thread the needle, fixing stuff.
I do a lot of the right things to achieve my improvements, but there are still potential to be even better. It is both liberating and frustrating to believe so strong that I can impact this myself. It would have been so comfortable just to lean back, with no sense of guilt.
Life is a constant battle between the right choice and the easy ones.
Well, it is summer now, no more real work (read: “paid”) for a couple of months. The perfect condition to live perfect.
Hairdresser tomorrow. These curls are getting totally out of control!